benzrad, 华中朱子卓
朱本主子卓日美。

By: benzrad | November 20, 2020

Nov 20 ,2020

dreamed first my 2 families, one replaced me with another man without my opposition. then i saw aside the downgrade of living standards. then dreamed i with my current QRRS colleagues waiting in a departmental gathering. the meeting ruined for the host disrespected us. then rumors spread that our leader all year received the host's free dining coupon in exchange for independence of news cover, as we are a media organization. this very common nowadays in China: paid reports in fact manipulated propaganda, rendering large scale news industry rootless & die speechlessly. like CCP while it was ambitiously promoting national credit system, recording common people's small amount money debt. u can say individual steals social insti...

Category: blog 

Tags: life, dream, AsohYukiko, blog 

By: benzrad | October 12, 2020

Oct 12, 2020

the chilly dorm let my fingers swollen again, but God's mercy, my body just workable for daily life, even more time & pains covering chores, like put up, mopping floor, etc. recently I equipped myself 2 small laptop blankets, which effective warms up my knees. previously I bought a full size blanket for laptop, but holy message let me bought it which proving very helpful on bed against dorm chill. last night holy spirit lets me ordered my son a Mcdonald deliver & my son enjoys it even a bot late. this morning in warm quilts, I dreamed likely in a candidate campaign team. I using a tool likely offline downloader to multi-accounts management, simulating actual polling or voting. I dreamed other matters but forgot now them. dorm water supply down this moment, but God, I just got my warm keeping plastic bag filled, and tea prepared. when i got up it's pal and smoggy, but now morning sunshine so golden. dear God, my websites recently under lots attacks but now it turns stronger and I will see the final laugh. I proud of them, so simply while viable. Holy just prepared me readier for it, like database backup. PRC surveillance hired zombie hackers just wasted their money & cheap youth. dear God, in this first clear memorized dream since my re-blogging, I will end it with prayer for my emerging 1109 years Empire of China as persistent leading successful Empires of Great British and Japan. God dad, home me after half life roaming in my forbidden city.

Sep 29, 2020

today a bit special: in half decade i first ate an elegant dinner for celebrating sudden nap in late afternoon. that's likely due to recent thick tasks to restore my son and my workspace, esp brunch framework based chromeOS on our Intel Nuc. this afternoon i even tried to re-enable my todo list management via google tasks and my web app at https://agarten.in. after enjoyed it so much in last 9 years then broke by PRC surveillance, now i know my work experience matters much than any others. i really like my workspace. holy spirit sees why i can live them alive again. my son's workspace recently wrecked by his harshness & inexperienced, I didn't expect to help him restored it, for God just let me visit him on my not real birthday, Sep 27, then i found him joined his school, however, the grandma open the door for me, and i worked there till dusk, reinstall windows, Linux, android x86, etc. when my son returned from school, on dinner table, I babbled my job & he satisfied by my demonstration of new OSes. but still i less buzzed him recently, say, last night i muted all time, even i want to chat him. i saw his inconvenience not to lie to me if i insist to understand him closely. dear God, he needs free space to develop his vision, not responsible for me or anyone in the world. dear God, this dinner let me so full and complacent that I peacefully watched a movie online without call anyone amid chilly dorm room. dear God, if aging really your arrangement, why not I accept it? I felt the joy in peace of doze. grant me more freedom of body resilience, in long run, I have faith greater grace upon me, dad, I 'm bidding you, let my life more activities, esp my infant. thx, dad God, bring me sooner my partner of life. in this deep night, my singer for harmony is truely.

Sep 23, 2020

dear God, isn't today a special day? I decided to reblog my life on my website. yesterday I tried to persuade my son to restore his computers to working status, for that I had visited his house when he schooling with 2 bootable installation udisks for windows and Linux. but he refused again, recently he more frequently disrespects me, seemingly he enrolled by prodigy high school locally boost his pomposity, while my recent ailment, ie. painful fingers and wrest, disappointed him. his mom, a small sinister woman, now fetching him every dusk after schooling, a way to tighten her rein over the naive kid. I scorned him 3 times in the phone but he refused to retreat. this morning i cursed him again, trying layout his inevitable biding my prevailing earth power, but he yet forgave. on noon, i busy with updating my websites' ssl and the result let me relaxed and I buzzed him again, intending ease my anger but he hanged outside with his pal. his short mom cunning as usual refused my suggestion to fix her notebooks in a bundle of reuniting occasion during coming PRC national holiday even in fact she badly needs the fixation. that occurred during my daily jogging at noon, in the long solitude, I saw severe long halt between my intimacy with my son, war before my proving myself with new family and new son, a long promised i shared with my son. this last 2 years' absence, I tried to evade failing PRC's surveillance, the damned dorm room's chill and wet let my bone malfunctions, after 2 months painful fingers and swelling foot, now I almost see light of tunnel as holy guides. but I really don't know how to seek a new family now that I saw more and more aging on my body. I admit it's a core issue to my life and my self-esteem, and my son's wish. dear God, now, here I'm. I treated myself fruits, oranges and bananas from nearby newly opened grocery. I marked today as spiritual and praying new stage ahead. God dad, bring me my new family sooner, and my new infant. reunite my son with me in glory.

Sep 20, 2020

dear God, isn't today a special day? I decided to reblog my life on my website. yesterday I tried to persuade my son to restore his computers to working status, for that I had visited his house when he schooling with 2 bootable installation udisks for windows and linux. but he refused again, recently he more frequently disrespects me, seemingly he enrolled by prodigy high school locally boost his pomposity, while my recent ailment, ie. painful fingers and wrest, disappointed him. his mom, a small sinister woman, now fetching him every dusk after schooling, a way to tighten her rein over the naive kid. I scorned him 3 times in the phone but he refused to retreat. this morning i cursed him again, trying layout his inevitable biding my prevailing earth power, but he yet forgave. on noon, i busy with updating my websites' ssl and the result let me relaxed and I buzzed him again, intending ease my anger but he hanged outside with his pal. his short mom cunning as usual refused my suggestion to fix her notebooks in a bundle of reuniting occasion during coming PRC national holiday even in fact she badly needs the fixation. that occurred during my daily jogging at noon, in the long solitude, I saw severe long halt between my intimacy with my son, war before my proving myself with new family and new son, a long promised i shared with my son. this last 2 years' absence, I tried to evade failing PRC's surveillance, the damned dorm room's chill and wet let my bone malfunctions, after 2 months painful fingers and swelling foot, now I almost see light of tunnel as holy guides. but I really don't know how to seek a new family now that I saw more and more aging on my body. I admit it's a core issue to my life and my self-esteem, and my son's wish.
dear God, now, here I'm. I treated myself fruits, oranges and bananas from nearby newly opened grocery. I marked today as spiritual and praying new stage ahead. God dad, bring me my new family sooner, and my new infant. reunite my son with me in glory.

Category: lifesteam 

Tags: life, AsohYukiko, God 

By: benzrad | December 15, 2018

Dec 15, 2018

dreamt my passed mom rescue my education again. she visited my enhancement class and entrusted me not gave up. my sinful cousin, ie first grandson of my grandpa, also appeared among parents of high education seekers. my mother prayed for my higher education so hard that I touched and started focusing, standing firm among those preparing university entrance exam national wide. later I haunted zoo where I returned with missing. I queried the attenders for some animal, say dolphin, the crew told me I should visit next area in the zoo. I retreated. yesterday I first time gave up gazing my favorite woman dancer in open space of QRRS plaza. one of the dancer among the public exercising team shew contempt last dusk and let me wonder...

By: benzrad | November 19, 2018

Nov 19, 2018 

last busy week I achieved lots. I reinstalled 2 OSes on new 60GB ssd converted usb; I restored OS on my ZTE mobile and successfully installed Gapps on it. these took me 2 overnight works. on Saturday my son and I enjoyed 'fantastic animals' movie. human love touched me emotionally in the movie. we dined out fish hotpot after cinema. Sunday morning I let my son updated his devices, ie. wintel's first monthly patch in size of 30M since larger version upgrade v.1809, linux update in size of nearly 90M. my son claimed it was the lightest workload weekend. he enjoyed awhile youtube gaming stream before heading to lunch out with me and later bathing. it was a winter sunny day. I told my son how PRC authority banning idea exchang...

Category: blog 

Tags: choice, Son, heart, China, blog 

By: benzrad | October 19, 2018

Oct 19, 2018

dreamt visiting my teenage friend, Fan Yifu, who likely resident in Wuhan or Xi'an metropolis during my relocation. his brothers also there jammed in a condo hardly refurnished among a dense residential area or slum. in the morning they all busy with heading to their offices and left me alone even I had to pay their bills. that reminds me how PRC peasants' offspring in PRC open policy decades, how they earn from USA buyers and supported by USA cash flow from pure famine, how they fed their hooligan government now turns aggressive and doomed fate of been upgraded, how their new young families left with now in half poverty. the Fan, previously a junior middle school teacher graduated from normal college, relentlessly these year...

Category: blog 

Tags: life, love, finance, growth, AsohYukiko, God 

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